DISCLAIMER: In an effort to be honest here, I know that I'm going to say some things that would really upset my family if they found out about this post. So I would ask that anyone who knows my family personally not share this information with them, for the sake of keeping our relationships in tact. I love my family, and most of the following issues have been resolved in one way or another. I forgive them for the hurt they've caused me over the years.
My family is nowhere near perfect. Like most families, we have our problems.
I had (and still have) issues with getting along with my dad and my little sister, and it made spending time with my family very difficult and stressful for me when I was living at home. Eventually I just stopped trying. I would shut myself in my room for most of the time, and my mom would usually knock and ask me to come out and "spend time with the family". I had to obey, of course. But most of the time that would mean subjecting myself to really unpleasant comments.
I know my parents did their best, but I felt very unloved for quite a long time. I argued with my mom a lot because she couldn't see how hurtful these comments were, or how much I hated her trying to control every single one of my actions. It's because of all of these situations that I became severely depressed for a few years, when I was living at home and going to community college nearby.
When I finally went away to college, things changed drastically. I was on my own, making my own decisions about when to do laundry, clean my room, do homework, hang out with friends, etc. And it changed the relationship between my mom and I IMMENSELY. I could call or text her when I needed advice, but I didn't have her constantly breathing down my neck. I learned to see her as a real person, not just a mom, and come to respect her. Since then, my relationships with my other family members have become easier as well, since we're no longer living under the same roof. So if any of you are struggling like I did: there's hope! College and marriage do wonders for family relationships!
I'm not a parent yet, so what I say may not hold any weight or be taken seriously since I've never tried to do it myself. But I would like to think that a lot of the issues I had with my siblings and parents stemmed back to my lack of firm gospel teachings as I was growing up. My parents never really taught me about the importance of daily prayer or helped me make it a habit, Family Home Evening was a VERY rare occurrence, as well as family scripture study. And not learning about those patterns early on have really made them a difficulty for me in my life now. I still struggle with daily prayer and scripture study.
One thing I will say is that I always knew my parents loved each other. They were very vocal about showing their love, whether through little kisses during the day, compliments, holding hands, or making treats for each other. I was never afraid that my parents were going to get divorced. So in that sense, I had a stable home life because I never had to be worried about that. I could just focus on being a kid and learning how to take care of myself.
I think there are several important qualities necessary to have a successful gospel-centered family, and they all tie back to things we've learned our whole lives at church: FHE, family prayer/scripture study, and bearing your testimony.
I wish my parents had borne their testimonies more regularly at church, since it was always an extremely rare occurrence to see either of them up at the stand. And since we didn't have the anchors that FHE and other family gospel-related activities create, the lack of testimony-bearing made it difficult to truly know whether my parents believed the church was true or not.
Family is so so important. We all need to leave the nest eventually, but our families are always there; they are our roots. Our parents teach us to tie our shoes, ride a bike, cook breakfast. They give us the wings we need to take off on our own. Even if you come from terrible circumstances, you've learned something from your parents or other guardians. Whether that's learning to be exactly like them because you admire their choices, or learning precisely what NOT to do because you don't want to turn out anything like them. Either way, you learn.
Many of you guys jokingly ask when Husband and I are gonna have kids, and I know you don't mean any harm by it so don't think I'm angry at you. But there are a lot of other people that nag us about it, and it's only going to get worse now that we're about to hit one year of marriage.
Husband and I have done a lot of talking and praying about having children, and we still do. We don't think we're ready to become "real" parents yet, because of our other obligations: I've still got about a year left of school, and then I'm going to have my teaching degree and get a teaching job and I'll become the main source of income while Husband either quits his job or moves to part-time so he can really focus on school.
While there are days where I'd LOVE to be a mom, I know I'm not ready yet: emotionally, or physically/financially. I would rather wait another year or two to have kids and be able to stay at home with them 24/7, than start poppin' em out now and have to juggle schoolwork and mom duties and not feel like I'm giving my children the attention they deserve. (I'm not saying that working/schooling moms are bad, but that's just not the route I wanna take.)
In my opinion to prepare to have a family, you need to start now. The biggest way to prepare is through babysitting. Girl or boy, I don't care. You need some experience changing diapers, feeding little ones, learning how incredibly fast they can get into something they shouldn't be getting into. Whether that's with your own siblings, nieces/nephews, kids in your ward, it doesn't matter. Just get some experience!
Don't forget that while our biological families shape us and give us a place to call home, we also make our own families. We decide who we want to love, and who we're loyal to.
One thing I will say is that I always knew my parents loved each other. They were very vocal about showing their love, whether through little kisses during the day, compliments, holding hands, or making treats for each other. I was never afraid that my parents were going to get divorced. So in that sense, I had a stable home life because I never had to be worried about that. I could just focus on being a kid and learning how to take care of myself.
I think there are several important qualities necessary to have a successful gospel-centered family, and they all tie back to things we've learned our whole lives at church: FHE, family prayer/scripture study, and bearing your testimony.
I wish my parents had borne their testimonies more regularly at church, since it was always an extremely rare occurrence to see either of them up at the stand. And since we didn't have the anchors that FHE and other family gospel-related activities create, the lack of testimony-bearing made it difficult to truly know whether my parents believed the church was true or not.
Many of you guys jokingly ask when Husband and I are gonna have kids, and I know you don't mean any harm by it so don't think I'm angry at you. But there are a lot of other people that nag us about it, and it's only going to get worse now that we're about to hit one year of marriage.
Husband and I have done a lot of talking and praying about having children, and we still do. We don't think we're ready to become "real" parents yet, because of our other obligations: I've still got about a year left of school, and then I'm going to have my teaching degree and get a teaching job and I'll become the main source of income while Husband either quits his job or moves to part-time so he can really focus on school.
While there are days where I'd LOVE to be a mom, I know I'm not ready yet: emotionally, or physically/financially. I would rather wait another year or two to have kids and be able to stay at home with them 24/7, than start poppin' em out now and have to juggle schoolwork and mom duties and not feel like I'm giving my children the attention they deserve. (I'm not saying that working/schooling moms are bad, but that's just not the route I wanna take.)
In my opinion to prepare to have a family, you need to start now. The biggest way to prepare is through babysitting. Girl or boy, I don't care. You need some experience changing diapers, feeding little ones, learning how incredibly fast they can get into something they shouldn't be getting into. Whether that's with your own siblings, nieces/nephews, kids in your ward, it doesn't matter. Just get some experience!
Don't forget that while our biological families shape us and give us a place to call home, we also make our own families. We decide who we want to love, and who we're loyal to.
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