How You Know

There are a lot of general authorities who have spoken about this, and within the church it's usually a general belief that soulmates don't exist. 

"I don't believe there is only one right person for you. I think I fell in love with my wife, Harriett, from the first moment I saw her. Nevertheless,...I don't believe she was my one chance at happiness in this life, nor was I hers...Once you commit to being married, your spouse becomes your soul mate, and it is your duty and responsibility to work every day to keep it that way." -President Uchtdorf 

That statement pretty much sums up my opinion on soul mates. However the question I was asked wasn't necessarily about soul mates, but just about knowing when someone is right for you. In my opinion, that's a very difficult question, because everyone is looking for something different in a companion. 

When I first started dating Jake, both of us made a list of qualities we were looking for in a spouse. I actually have the journal that I wrote both of those lists in, so I'll share those with y'all. Jake and I wrote these while FaceTiming each other on October 11th, 2013.

Qualities I Want in A Husband

-good listener

-strong testimony

-worthy priesthood holder

-ambitious/hard-working

-compassionate

-romantic

-patient and understanding

-good with kids

-strong-willed; perseverance

-understands marriage is equal work/sharing responsibilities

-good music taste

-optimistic

-adventurous

-honest

-non-judgemental

-loves me/admires me

-good sense of humor

-forgiving

-flexible; can go with the flow

Qualities Jake Wants in A Wife

-kind

-selfless

-cares for her children

-compassionate and loving

-humble

-full of faith

-smart

-willing to work together as a unit

-puts family first

-funny

-willing to laugh and have a good time

-affectionate

-happy and positive

-loves me for me

-doesn't judge

-loves the Lord

-goes to church and is religious

-loves their family

-willing to put up with my family

-loves corny and silly things

-wants to just be together

-likes to cuddle and spend as much time as possible together

-can't wait for me to come home from work

-faithful

-hardworking

-supportive

-inventive

-creative

-logical

Those lists are both pretty long, so I'm impressed if you read all the way through them. Give yourself a pat on the back and some chocolate from me.

SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT: 

Notice how neither of us wrote "return missionary" on our lists? This has been stated time and again over the past few years, but seriously you guys, please remember that marrying an RM (girl or boy) does not guarantee you a successful marriage, and marrying a non-RM doesn't doom your marriage. I could rant about that more but I won't, cuz I'd like to think that y'all have good heads on your shoulders and will just take my word for it.

So back to the original question: how do you know when someone's right for you? There's really no one specific way. Most people don't have a lightning bolt moment where all of a sudden they discover that the person they're dating is the person they should marry. It's a gradual thing that builds up over time, experiences together, and growing closer as a couple. I knew I wanted to marry Jake because he was everything I was looking for, and he had qualities that I hadn't even thought to look for. Our marriage isn't perfect, because Jake and I aren't perfect. But where I have weaknesses, he has strengths, and vice versa. We balance each other out. 

I strongly encourage you guys to make a list of the qualities you want in a spouse, like Jake and I did. They don't have to be as long as ours, but they should grow as you get older. Keep your list somewhere close like in a journal or on your phone so that when you think of things to add, you can just keep your list going. So when you're looking for someone that you want to be with for the rest of eternity, look for someone who has most (if not all) of the qualities on your list. When you're dating someone and marriage starts to look like a possibility, look back at your list and seriously consider whether or not that person lives up to your standards.